Ceremony of Marriage for
John Charles Burridge and Mark Steven Dwyer
in the garden of Sarah Hendrickson & Gretchen Miller
Eugene, Oregon, August 1, 2004 at ten in the morning.

Processional
Minister, John, Mark, Parents, Family & Friends
With Banners & The Pearwood Pipers

Welcome
Welcome, welcome! I'm Reverend Carolyn Colbert, minister for The Unitarian Universalist Church in Eugene, and on Mark and John's behalf I want to thank you all for being here this morning to celebrate their wedding with them. We have all come to say a resounding "yes" to them. In fact, everything on earth and in heaven is saying yes, for the full moon is in Aquarius, and the abundance of this season surrounds us in a garden made sacred by years of caring. And we are sustained and held in the harvest of love and support that you all bring. You are John and Mark's precious family. You are their treasured friends. You are their beloved community and it is Good to be Together!

You bring some special gifts... your wishes for Mark and John and your wisdoms. Many of you wrote those wishes and wisdoms down for them. They asked Larry to weave your gifts together to share them with all of us. Larry, over there under the apple tree, please share those with us now.

---

Wishes & Wisdoms
read by Larry Holodak

John and Mark asked me to review and comment on the Collective Wisdoms we submitted to help them learn about what makes a relationship healthy and lover. When looked at in totality, I was struck by not only the guidance they provide, but also by the spirit with which they were prepared. Both what we said and how we said it provide a clear road map for future relationship success.

Mark and John -- today is a significant milepost in your already well-developed relationship. Your family and friends have willingly shared their perspectives -- here is what we said:

Above all else, we urge you to communicate with each other to strengthen your relationship:

• Communicate to understand
• Communicate to set expectations
• Communicate to resolve disagreements, and if that doesn't work,
• Communicate that your partner is as right as right can be!

We encourage you to be both teacher and pupil -- and to be respectful when assuming each role. Relationships are organic and evolve on an iterative basis.

We suggest you be competitive -- to try to outperform the other -- in terms of your contribution to mundane daily tasks and your expression of love for one another.

We tell you relationships require work and that constant dedication is required. Be conscious and deliberate to make time for play, to establish and then adhere to family traditions, to date frequently, and to make love even more frequently.

We caution you to be honest and develop a health way to disagree, and we wisely explain that there are times to take a stand, and other times to let it go -- as best expressed, "Choose your battles carefully".

We confide to you this is not easy -- you should anticipate rough spots, meet the challenges head-on, and fully appreciate the consequences of giving up.

And finally, we confirm for you that a healthy and loving relationship is well worth it.

With regards to the spirit expressed by our submissions, I make the following observations:

You have sought and received advice from a very diverse crowd -- we range from the uninitiated, to greek rookies, to the wizened old relationship pros. We ourselves were honest, realistic, aspirational, practical, analytical and at times wildly irreverent. Some of us submitted our collective widsoms well ahead of schedule -- others were too tardy for inclusion in these thoughts! But in all cases, we approached your request with openness and with a sense of fun and playfulness.

Some of us chose to express ourselves by giving good fashion metaphors, as in: "Don't attempt to walk several miles in your partner's moccasins, wear the same moccasins."

Others chose to counsel you with culinary tips, as in: "Make your own ice cream", and "Eat strawberry shortcake for dinner (not dessert) on the first day of each summer".

And finally, one chose to provide some sound and practical medical advice, as in: "If all else fails, take Prozac"!

John and Mark -- you asked for perspective from your family and friends and despite our varied backgrounds our message is similar:

• Because you have been and are loved by those gathered here today
• Because we put pen to paper to record the upside and downside of relationships
• Because you have celebrated our relationship successes, and consoled us when witnessing our relationship failures
• and Because we stand here today and every day to support you,

You two can love, and love well.

Indeed, one of the most important keys to a healthy and loving relationship was simply stated in your invitation:

The wider the circle, the more love grows.

---

Remarks on Marriage
Mark and John, you have chosen each other above all others in one of life's greatest mysteries. It is a miracle and a wonder that two people meet, take the risk of giving voice to their love, and in a breath-taking act of daring choose to make a life together. For make no mistake, we live in a world that ofter tears people apart rather than bringing them together. Yet, over the past seven years you have dared to trust and to open yourselves to each other to create a life together.

John, you once wrote that "The terrible truth above love is that although lovers may imagine that it is free from the limits of mortality, it always ends with separation and loss." But then you wrote, "And the most wonderful, terrible thing about love is that knowing this, people choose to love anyway!" Today, with all your joy and your daring, knowing the risks and the truths, you come before us having chosen love. Still, just to make sure, I want to ask you one more time...

Do you, Mark Steven Dwyer, wish to join
John in marriage? (Yes!)

And, John Charles Burridge, do you wish to join
Mark in marriage? (I do.)

Good! Now, before we continue, let's take just a moment to reflect, to breathe, to bring ourselves fully into this place, into this precious moment in time,
letting the music fall on us and the warmth of our love surround us all and these two who have chosen to enter marriage.

Musical Interlude
Dance de Clevs
The Pearwood Pipers


Preface to the Vows
Will you turn to each other now and clasp hands. The hands you offer each other are a bridge across the distance between you. Cherish the touch, for you touch another life. Be sensitive to each other's unique rhythm and pulse. In the words of an ancient love poem shared by Akhnaten and Nefertiti:


Give me thy hands, holding they spirit
that I may receive it and may live by it.
Call thou upon my name unto eternity
and it shall never fail.


And now, your vows to each other:


Vows

Mark:
I, Mark, join you, John,
in celebrating
our loving relationship.

I will continue to create with you
a home built of friendship,
respect, adventure, and love.


John:
Dear Mark,
As the moon is both dark and luminous
so I, John, vow to listen to your bright words
and your dark words.

As the Earth sails through summer and winter
so I vow
to honor your seasons during our loving voyage.


Exchange of Rings

A circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth and the universe, of wholeness, perfection and peace. The rings you give and receive today symbolize the unbroken circle of the love you now enter.

Mark:
Accept this ring as a symbol of my love
for all the years past and for all the years ahead.

John:
As the Earth and the Moon
dance around the Sun,l
so I braid my life with yours.

Let my love for you
build a household of grace
in eros, agape, and amour conjoined.


Minister's Blessing

I want to take a moment to offer my personal blessing. Mark and John you are so loved. You are so loving. And you are so human. There will be times when you forget. Not to worry. For when that happens you will draw on the love that surrounds you hear, and on that greater love in which we all live and move and have our being. My blessings go with you.

Celebratory Words
We all rejoice with you today. We celebrate the love that has brought you together, the years that already bond you, and the friendship, respect, adventure, and love still ahead. Above you are the stars, below you the earth. As your life and your love continues, may you be as constant as the stars and as firm as the earth. Have no fear, nor let the ways of the fearful give you unease, for our love is with you.

Blessed Be.

Now... there is only one more thing for us to do:


Pronouncement of Marriage
Mark and John, on behalf of your family and friends who love you, both those who are hear as witnesses, and those who are with us in spirit today, and on behalf of the larger family of human kind to which we all belong, we now recognize and honor you as married! You may kiss.

Embrace
It is my honor to present Mark and John, now married!

Recessional & Receiving Line

Reception in the Garden

Many people wanted a copy of the text of the Egyptian Love Poem.

I first heard it from Phillip Glass's Akhnaten


(love poem found in a royal mummy of the Armarna period, from Journal of Egyptian Archeology, translated by Sir Alan Gardiner)
I breathe the sweet breath
that issues from thy mouth.
I behold thy beauty every day.
It is my desire to be rejuvenated with life
through love of thee.
Give me thy hands, holding thy spirit,
that I may receive it and partake of it.
Call thou my name unto eternity, and it shall never fail.


Of course, I remember the words a little differently. I think the breath
should issue from lips instead of a mouth. Also, the French translation
(included in the CD's libretto) "call thou my name" uses the word "vocci",
which could be translated to "give voice to my name" or "invoke my name."

Whew! Mark and I are married!

I (John) want to take a moment to thank the brides who gave me some very good advice. There were three things I heard that were very helpful, and they fall under the general piece of advice, "Your job is to enjoy the wedding."

1. Smile. If you are calm and radiant, your guests will be calm and radiant.
   



2. Stay in the moment. On your wedding day you will be in a strange emotional and mental state. It will be natural to go into the bridal daze. Resist this so you can remember your wedding afterward. You can prevent bridal daze by breathing deeply and slowly. If you notice your partner has floated away into the wedding ether, you can help anchor them by locking eyes with them or by applying gentle pressure to their hands.
   



3. Let the wedding happen. There are many people who will handle the specifics of the wedding so you do not have to stage-manage.
   

Maps and a Word of Warning

Hello,

Here are some maps of campus that you might find useful.

A campus map:
http://geography.uoregon.edu/infographics/campusMaps/uowebmapLarge.htm

For those of you who can read Adobe Acrobat files, here a campus parking
map:

http://geography.uoregon.edu/infographics/campusMaps/parkingmap.pdf


For those of you driving out of town you might want to schedule in
a little more driving time than you normally would. As many of you who
have tried to book rooms in Euegne know, we've been invaded by the Junior
Olympics. This translates in to 7000 atheletes; add onto that their
parents, siblings and coaches. I know they are on the UO campus somewhere
because our beloved Bookstore had some little "Welcome Junior Olympian"
sign up.


On other fronts, we seem to be a little ahead of ourselves on the
preparation schedule. I'm sure we'll discover we're missing
something.

Back to the yard preparation!

- John

Banners

Somebody has asked, "In your instructions you say the banners should be two feet wide. Is this the banner fabric width, or can the dowels stick out a bit?"

The short answer is, "Yes, the total width of the banner and hardware may extend a bit. There will be no banner police armed with tape measures."

Originally the procession route was going to go between the houses. Anything much wider than two feet wouuld be difficult to fit without people getting stuck. Sometime in June we changed the route to go through the back garden gate, which is much wider.

This does bring up another point. Any banner much more than four or five feet will have a difficult time getting through the garden gate without risking getting snagged on Very Sharp Briars.

This is going to be a lot of fun.

- John
-----
John Burridge (via palm)
work:burridge@oregon.uoregon.edu
play: burridge@peak.org
Respice, adspice, prospice.

Comando Cameras: A Cautionary Tale

While we were meeting with Reverend Carolyn, she told us a funny story.

She was officiating a wedding. The celebrants were very fond of their cameras, and she was marrying two people in front a swarming sea of flashbulbs.

Out of the corner of her visision she saw a motion. She turned and saw a relative crawling on his belly behind the alter. I'm not sure how he had managed to worm his way that far. He had a camera cradled in front of him.

Reverend Carolyn smiled, motioned him to his feet, and said, "We're having a wedding; we'll take pictures later. "

For all you comando camera-folks out there, the moral of this story is, "Have fun taking pictures, but make sure to have a sense of decorum."

- John (The World's Biggest Photo-slut)
-----
John Burridge (via palm)
work:burridge@oregon.uoregon.edu
play: burridge@peak.org
Respice, adspice, prospice.

West Nile Free!

Some folks have been asking about West Nile. We're happy to report that Oregon is West Nile Free! Mark thinks that the Oregon Chamber of Commerce should make a commercial about it. But don't believe us, here's some information from the CDC and other governmental agencies:


http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dvbid/westnile/surv&control04Maps.htm

http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dvbid/westnile/surv&controlCaseCount04_detailed.htm

http://www.ohd.hr.state.or.us/acd/wnile/index.cfm#stats

http://www.ohd.hr.state.or.us/acd/wnile/index.cfm#stats


So you can see that it's true: You can covort about scantily clad in Oregon at dusk or dawn and not have to worry about West Nile.

- John

Waterfall Hike

Monday, August 2.  11 AM - 5 PM.  Meet at Mark and John's home.

We will drive towards the mountains to explore an area rich with waterfalls.  The first waterfall will have roadside access and the second will be an easy hike.  Pack a lunch.  Wear sturdy, comfortable shoes.  We will walk four miles. 

The Wedding

Sunday, August 1.  10 AM  Mark and John's Home.

Just in case you forgot when and where.  Dress in layers.  John has been praying for nice weather -- which in John's case is overcast and 75 degrees.  The last few days it's been about 60 degrees at 8 AM, 70 degrees at 11 AM, and 80 degrees by 2 PM.   The next couple of days it's supposed to be 95.  You can get a nice weather forecast from the The National Weather Service. 

Reception to follow.

Comedic Spectacle of Love

Saturday, July 31.  7PM - 9PM.  Ben Linder Room, University of Oregon, Eugene.

This is an audience participation event, but we won't force you to sing Kumbayah or anything.  A Real Live Comedy Troup (wildly famous in the southern Willamette Valley) will take stories of our relationship and then make fun of it.  Think of it as an improvisational roast. 

You can find out more about the Ben Linder room at the very confusing site emu.uoregon.edu and get a somewhat useful map that doesn't require a javascript pop-up or PDF reader here

Eat dinner before this event.  A selection of non-alcoholic beverages will be served.

Wedding Processional Banner Making

Friday, July 30.  5 PM - 9 PM.  Mark and John's House.

For that big cathedral feel, we're asking our guests to promenade and form a row of banners for the happy couple (us) to walk between.  The banners that you make will represent your relationship to the happy couple.  We'll provide the craft materials, pizza and beverages; you provide the imagination.

Bachelor Hike

Friday, July 30.  10 AM - 1 PM  Meet at Mark and John's house.

No booze, no bawdy broads, just big trees and pre-event stress release. Participants are encouraged to remove one article of clothing at the summit of the hike.  Yes, just because it's called a Bachelor Hike dosn't mean you have to be a guy to attend.  This is a local 2.5 mile hike, moderately steep. We'll have fixings ready for you to make lunch.

Pickles

John & Mark,

Thank you for e-sharing the Pickles shrine. He was a sweet little dog and I'll miss him.

Connie

The Procession

 
Here's the procession route!  We'll mill about on the southeast side of the house here.   
 

 
Eventually we'll have folks form two lines on either side of the alley and the  Reverend Carolyn Colbert will lead the procession.  Mark and John will be right behind, followed by The Pearwood Pipers.   As soon as the Pipers pass, everyone at the end of the lines will follow them and we'll all march in through the garden gate.   The garden gate looks scarier than it actually is, and we measured it to be sure that 2 foot by 2 foot banners would fit through it.
 

 
Reverend Colbert, Mark and John will march up to the wedding platform.  You can't see the platform in this picture (it's to the right of the white chair), but it will mean we wont have to weed whack Sarah's prized plants in order for you to see us.  The Pipers will stop under the apple tree (to the right of this picture).  Everyone else will continue to process past the wedding platform and hand off their banners to banner folks to string along the fence.
 

 
Once everyone is seated the ceremony proper will begin.   No, you won't have to sit on the grass; we're ordering chairs.   Assuming that it isn't cloudy or raining, this is pretty much what the lighting conditions for the wedding will be at 9:45 AM on Sunday.

We've made a shrine for Pickles, who passed away Monday, July 19 around 9:30 AM.  It's in our front garden and has some memorabilia on it.   This is a night shot.  On the top is the log book of how much he was drinking and his weekly pill box.  The slips of paper were left over from the Easter Bunny Nuke to remind folks not to let him have chocolate; one says "Totally Unrepentant" and the other says "Relentless Scavenger."  A third one, not shown, said "Chocolate is bad for dogs."
 
Pickles liked to eat cherry pits and dog treats, so we put some down in front of his pictures.  I also included two Anubis figurines from the MET.   Down below where you can't see them are some more flowers, his dog leash, and the owl-shaped champagne bucket that we used as a doggy bag dispenser.
 
We might tone down the shrine for the wedding.  Or not.  I know it made me (John) feel better building it, but it sometimes strikes me as a prop from the over-the-top canine comedy Best In Show. 

What to wear

A couple of folks have called to ask things like, "What should we wear for the wedding?" and "What are your colors?"

The wedding is a garden wedding. Garden weddings dress means slacks, polo shirts, dresses, skirts, and dressed up shoes. Comfortable, sensible, flat shoes will succeed on the brick path and garden soil.

Sport jackets and ties are optional -- but if they make you feel festive, wear them.

The official wedding colors are purple (petunias) and gold (marigold). This has absolutely nothing with what we're wearing. We're wearing -- Mark says it's a secret.

- John
-----
John Burridge (via palm)
work:burridge@oregon.uoregon.edu
play: burridge@peak.org
Respice, adspice, prospice.

More Garden Work

The yard is shaping up. The area were we plan to have everyone sit has been cleared except for one sunflower we hope can survive the transformation of the yard into a wedding mall (or is that weeding hall?).

Mark is working on a scavenger hunt during the reception for the kids and the cleanup is giving us lots of ideas for things to hunt for.

Now all we have to do is find some bunting somewhere to drape over the fence. We saw an outdoor wedding last week that hung some white gausey stull off of bamboo canes and thought about knocking on their door aferwards to see if they had any extra they wanted to sell. But we didn't.

We're still not quite sure where we'll put Pickles. Muriell the cat will simply hide on the mistaken grounds that she's going to the vet. Pickles, however, is forbidden to go to the kennel. If we lock him up in our room he'll howl. If we let him out into the yard he'll ether A) eat cherry pits or B) got after the food. I guess we'll need a test three-year-old with a cookie to see if Pickles is feeling agressive enough to take it out of the three-year-old's mouth (yes, this *has* happened).

I'm sure we'll think of something.

- John
-----
John Burridge (via palm)
work:burridge@oregon.uoregon.edu
play: burridge@peak.org
Respice, adspice, prospice.