Ceremony of Marriage for
John Charles Burridge and Mark Steven Dwyer
in the garden of Sarah Hendrickson & Gretchen Miller
Eugene, Oregon, August 1, 2004 at ten in the morning.

Processional
Minister, John, Mark, Parents, Family & Friends
With Banners & The Pearwood Pipers

Welcome
Welcome, welcome! I'm Reverend Carolyn Colbert, minister for The Unitarian Universalist Church in Eugene, and on Mark and John's behalf I want to thank you all for being here this morning to celebrate their wedding with them. We have all come to say a resounding "yes" to them. In fact, everything on earth and in heaven is saying yes, for the full moon is in Aquarius, and the abundance of this season surrounds us in a garden made sacred by years of caring. And we are sustained and held in the harvest of love and support that you all bring. You are John and Mark's precious family. You are their treasured friends. You are their beloved community and it is Good to be Together!

You bring some special gifts... your wishes for Mark and John and your wisdoms. Many of you wrote those wishes and wisdoms down for them. They asked Larry to weave your gifts together to share them with all of us. Larry, over there under the apple tree, please share those with us now.

---

Wishes & Wisdoms
read by Larry Holodak

John and Mark asked me to review and comment on the Collective Wisdoms we submitted to help them learn about what makes a relationship healthy and lover. When looked at in totality, I was struck by not only the guidance they provide, but also by the spirit with which they were prepared. Both what we said and how we said it provide a clear road map for future relationship success.

Mark and John -- today is a significant milepost in your already well-developed relationship. Your family and friends have willingly shared their perspectives -- here is what we said:

Above all else, we urge you to communicate with each other to strengthen your relationship:

• Communicate to understand
• Communicate to set expectations
• Communicate to resolve disagreements, and if that doesn't work,
• Communicate that your partner is as right as right can be!

We encourage you to be both teacher and pupil -- and to be respectful when assuming each role. Relationships are organic and evolve on an iterative basis.

We suggest you be competitive -- to try to outperform the other -- in terms of your contribution to mundane daily tasks and your expression of love for one another.

We tell you relationships require work and that constant dedication is required. Be conscious and deliberate to make time for play, to establish and then adhere to family traditions, to date frequently, and to make love even more frequently.

We caution you to be honest and develop a health way to disagree, and we wisely explain that there are times to take a stand, and other times to let it go -- as best expressed, "Choose your battles carefully".

We confide to you this is not easy -- you should anticipate rough spots, meet the challenges head-on, and fully appreciate the consequences of giving up.

And finally, we confirm for you that a healthy and loving relationship is well worth it.

With regards to the spirit expressed by our submissions, I make the following observations:

You have sought and received advice from a very diverse crowd -- we range from the uninitiated, to greek rookies, to the wizened old relationship pros. We ourselves were honest, realistic, aspirational, practical, analytical and at times wildly irreverent. Some of us submitted our collective widsoms well ahead of schedule -- others were too tardy for inclusion in these thoughts! But in all cases, we approached your request with openness and with a sense of fun and playfulness.

Some of us chose to express ourselves by giving good fashion metaphors, as in: "Don't attempt to walk several miles in your partner's moccasins, wear the same moccasins."

Others chose to counsel you with culinary tips, as in: "Make your own ice cream", and "Eat strawberry shortcake for dinner (not dessert) on the first day of each summer".

And finally, one chose to provide some sound and practical medical advice, as in: "If all else fails, take Prozac"!

John and Mark -- you asked for perspective from your family and friends and despite our varied backgrounds our message is similar:

• Because you have been and are loved by those gathered here today
• Because we put pen to paper to record the upside and downside of relationships
• Because you have celebrated our relationship successes, and consoled us when witnessing our relationship failures
• and Because we stand here today and every day to support you,

You two can love, and love well.

Indeed, one of the most important keys to a healthy and loving relationship was simply stated in your invitation:

The wider the circle, the more love grows.

---

Remarks on Marriage
Mark and John, you have chosen each other above all others in one of life's greatest mysteries. It is a miracle and a wonder that two people meet, take the risk of giving voice to their love, and in a breath-taking act of daring choose to make a life together. For make no mistake, we live in a world that ofter tears people apart rather than bringing them together. Yet, over the past seven years you have dared to trust and to open yourselves to each other to create a life together.

John, you once wrote that "The terrible truth above love is that although lovers may imagine that it is free from the limits of mortality, it always ends with separation and loss." But then you wrote, "And the most wonderful, terrible thing about love is that knowing this, people choose to love anyway!" Today, with all your joy and your daring, knowing the risks and the truths, you come before us having chosen love. Still, just to make sure, I want to ask you one more time...

Do you, Mark Steven Dwyer, wish to join
John in marriage? (Yes!)

And, John Charles Burridge, do you wish to join
Mark in marriage? (I do.)

Good! Now, before we continue, let's take just a moment to reflect, to breathe, to bring ourselves fully into this place, into this precious moment in time,
letting the music fall on us and the warmth of our love surround us all and these two who have chosen to enter marriage.

Musical Interlude
Dance de Clevs
The Pearwood Pipers


Preface to the Vows
Will you turn to each other now and clasp hands. The hands you offer each other are a bridge across the distance between you. Cherish the touch, for you touch another life. Be sensitive to each other's unique rhythm and pulse. In the words of an ancient love poem shared by Akhnaten and Nefertiti:


Give me thy hands, holding they spirit
that I may receive it and may live by it.
Call thou upon my name unto eternity
and it shall never fail.


And now, your vows to each other:


Vows

Mark:
I, Mark, join you, John,
in celebrating
our loving relationship.

I will continue to create with you
a home built of friendship,
respect, adventure, and love.


John:
Dear Mark,
As the moon is both dark and luminous
so I, John, vow to listen to your bright words
and your dark words.

As the Earth sails through summer and winter
so I vow
to honor your seasons during our loving voyage.


Exchange of Rings

A circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth and the universe, of wholeness, perfection and peace. The rings you give and receive today symbolize the unbroken circle of the love you now enter.

Mark:
Accept this ring as a symbol of my love
for all the years past and for all the years ahead.

John:
As the Earth and the Moon
dance around the Sun,l
so I braid my life with yours.

Let my love for you
build a household of grace
in eros, agape, and amour conjoined.


Minister's Blessing

I want to take a moment to offer my personal blessing. Mark and John you are so loved. You are so loving. And you are so human. There will be times when you forget. Not to worry. For when that happens you will draw on the love that surrounds you hear, and on that greater love in which we all live and move and have our being. My blessings go with you.

Celebratory Words
We all rejoice with you today. We celebrate the love that has brought you together, the years that already bond you, and the friendship, respect, adventure, and love still ahead. Above you are the stars, below you the earth. As your life and your love continues, may you be as constant as the stars and as firm as the earth. Have no fear, nor let the ways of the fearful give you unease, for our love is with you.

Blessed Be.

Now... there is only one more thing for us to do:


Pronouncement of Marriage
Mark and John, on behalf of your family and friends who love you, both those who are hear as witnesses, and those who are with us in spirit today, and on behalf of the larger family of human kind to which we all belong, we now recognize and honor you as married! You may kiss.

Embrace
It is my honor to present Mark and John, now married!

Recessional & Receiving Line

Reception in the Garden